Is it helpful or hurtful? Is it easy or hard? Do I give more or get more? Can it change my life? Can it change the world?
Empathy is a much-maligned skill set that mostly just makes life a little bit easier. It doesn’t mean becoming a doormat, or completely subsuming your own feelings for those of others. Only someone who is strong in their own convictions can take in what others are expressing with understanding and compassion.
While some people seem to be more empathetic naturally, empathy can also be learned, practiced, and strengthened. Learning to better understand other people’s emotions, to respond with concern, and to develop connection with others can build stability and resilience among your circle of close contacts, and enable you to reach out to others in need as well.
Empathy and bipolar
People struggling with bipolar disorder may encounter difficulty in experiencing and sustaining empathy, partly because if my own life is difficult, I may not have energy for other people’s problems. But specifically, some people have found that mood swings may affect the ability to empathize. When you are depressed, you may be less able to clearly perceive others’ feelings. Some research suggests that depressed people may turn their empathy inwards when they perceive others’ distress, focusing on their own concerns rather than offering comfort to another.
On the other hand, in a high-energy phase (mania or hypomania), it may be more difficult to interpret others’ feelings accurately. You may interpret anger or distress as excitement, and give an inappropriate response. Or, in a social situation, you may overestimate other people’s enthusiasm or positivity, leading you to assume they are closer to your own state than they may really be.
Family members and friends may struggle to empathize with the ups and downs of bipolar, and may need to find their own empathic support elsewhere. Giving empathy to someone whose mood and emotion may be disordered can be a real challenge, and family members should be encouraged to seek help on their own account as well.
Learn the skills of empathy
But empathy is a skill set that pays big dividends, and it is well worth pursuing. Here are some ways anyone can practice and strengthen their empathy:
- Practice active listening. When you are listening to someone speak, resist the temptation to think about how you will respond. Focus your attention on trying to seek out the underlying commitments that motivate their words in this moment.
- Ask people questions. Don’t be shy, people love to talk about themselves, and you will gain a lot of insight into what’s going on in their lives.
- Imagine what you would do if faced by the situation or conditions being described. Instead of jumping immediately to giving advice, try just sitting quietly with what they are saying. Could you really “just get over it”?
- Seek to identify your own biases, and look for ways you are similar to another person, rather than focusing on your differences.
The more people start practicing empathy, the better our whole world will get. Why not start today!