Dysphoria can be extremely scary and unpredictable. In the midst of these episodes, it can feel as if the world is crashing down around you. A woman named DeeDee gave a personal account of a period of dysphoria that she compares to a total train wreck. She felt as if her life was stuck in a slump and that she was neither able to control nor break the pattern of negative events.
A combination of stress, insecurity, dysphoria, wrong prescriptions, and other warning signs preceded DeeDee’s episode. She had been takign on much more than she could handle in her work life and was barely managing. Already on edge, DeeDee was finaly set off after attending a stressful work event.
Freaked out and uneasy, she had increased her use of Ativan. She felt like she was losing control of her mind and her actions. She busted her car bumper, misinterpreted comments from her coworkers, and found herself crying at the drop of a hat. DeeDee’s behavior was so odd that her coworkers began to express their concerns to her supervisor. Her supervisor confronted her about the reports. DeeDee hardly remembered acting in the ways described, but she knew that the reports had to be true.
DeeDee lost the ability to recognize how to act appropriately in social situations as well as distinguish between urgent and important events. She knew something was wrong, yet was unaware of how to fix the problem. She had already been medicated and treated, but no one had given her a clear treatment that would help her regain behavioral control.
DeeDee’s supervisor recommended she tell her coworkers about the mood disorder in order to allow them to understand her actions. She was also advised to take on less responsibility. When she took on too much, she would down Ativan to cope with the stress and as a result, would experience heart palpitations.
She found when she decreased her work load and lowered her stress level, her behavior became more regular. DeeDee believes her episodic symptoms were caused by pressure to perform an work, an overstimluating stressful environment, and the use of Ativan and Yaz.
DeeDee frequently reflects on her train wreck episode. Her greatest fear is that she will have to experience this kind of pain in the future where she felt as if she had gone insane and was emotionally detached. She worries about what her colleagues’ opinion of her post episode and regrets not opening up to them more about what she was going through.
DeeDee ended her story on a somber note of uncertainty. She is unsure about what the future has to bring and is haunted by the potential for another loss of control. However, the only way to progress is to move forward and hope for the best. Since DeeDee has not found an exact treatment plan, her best bet is to attack her mood disorder from a preventive perspective. Taking on a more mangebale work load and building an open relationship with her coworkers can help DeeDee create a less stressful, happier, and healthier work environment. In addition, taking on different challenges task by task rather than all at once can make a job much less intimidating and more doable. Since DeeDee has felt overwhelmed and stressed in the past by how much she has on her plate, this approach will allow her to approach her tasks in a more calm and effective way.
Losing control of what we do and who we are is an extremely scary thing. I admire DeeDee for facing her mood disorder head on and making lifestyle adjustments in order to put her best foot forward.