Recently I found myself thinking about the similarities between two mood states that appear to be extremely different: mania and depression.
I was talking to a young man who is now quite depressed, and who was sharing with me his incredibly negative internal though processes.
One of the things that he said caught my attention. He said he felt that his illness and his failure to cope with his bipolar had ruined his parents lives. For just a moment, I recalled how he had been when he was manic, about six months ago. At that time, he felt that he could make everyone’s life good again. In essence, he felt that he had the power to positively transform his family’s lives.
It occurred to me that these thoughts were united by an unrealistic feeling of how much he could impact the lives of others. When manic he felt he could solve all his family’s problems, when depressed he felt that he caused all of their problems.
Both of these views are unrealistic assessments of his ability to affect others.
I remembered then the comment made by the partner of someone I was seeing who had had a very chronic depression. She said that, in his depression, he was very self-absorbed. Every event was understood to be about him, in some way. Usually as a sign of his incompetence.
I brought myself back to my conversation with the young man.
As a young adult, a certain sense of having the power to change the world (even if it is negative power) is normal, but I found myself wondering out loud what it would be like to see many of the events around him as not being about him at all. When his parents experienced difficulty, perhaps it wasn’t his fault, I suggested.
In fact, maybe he could adopt a more mindful, less self-focused, view of his world. Because, there is something self-centered in thinking that you are the cause of all of your parents’ problems…