The Winter Blues continue to be on the minds of people I talk to. One thing that sometimes happens when we get the blues is that we feel a bit abandoned, and one type of abandonment that is particularly significant emotionally is the abandonment by one’s mother. We have have had a number of conversations with themes related to Mom being too tired to take care of us…. Although Mom is often no longer around physically in our lives.
I have a certain fondness for the simplicity of Transactional Analysis. TA replaced Freud’s concepts of the “Superego”, “Ego” and “Id” with the notion of an internal “Parent”, “Adult” and “Child.”
In the language of TA, depression often is “about” our internal “Parent” becoming too tired to do the work of providing stability and safety for us. Which naturally leads to fear (and perhaps a dangerous “look what I can get away with”) coming from our internal “Child.”
One of our clients noticed that he was having more violent dreams, which were a bit scary. (He is not in any way a violent person, far from it). I interpreted this as a reflection of the fear that, with the internal parent less present, “maybe anything could happen.” An unrealistic fear, but an interesting way of expressing this psychological process.
OK, fine, but what to do about this.
One of our wiser clients suggested that perhaps that internal “Parent” needs a dose of the kind of “man up” advice that you can get from a good AA meeting.
Mom, you don’t get to disappear into the bedroom and leave the kids to run wild… you have to keep at it, providing stability and security even though you feel exhausted… Although it is OK to go to bed a bit earlier, and put off some projects that are not urgent or important until the boost of energy that accompanies spring arrives.
There is great value in the sense of commitment to the future that comes with having children. Equally, it is important to commit to one’s own future when feeling a bit depressed. Make sure that you are taking care of yourself. That you are following your healthy routines. And getting help if you really are too exhausted.