I have had a couple of conversations this past week that reminded me of my belief that one of the big problems in this country is our preoccupation with “results.”
Elsewhere, I’ve noted how this leads to short term strategies that have bad long term consequences.
In education, this means cramming for exams instead of learning the material. In business it means not investing in long term growth if it will reduce the short term bottom line. Etcetera.
Today I am focusing on how this preoccupation with achieving a short term goal affects people who are trying to live creatively with moods.
A middle aged woman who is facing an unprecedented series of personal and professional challenges tells me, again, how frustrated she is that “the medications aren’t working.” Later in our conversation she, once again, refuses to consider making any of the changes in her sleep and daily activities that would help stabilize and improve her moods. And then, a few minutes after that, she brings up her sense of frustration with her inability to “just lead a normal life with normal healthy routines.”
Why is it that she can see the value of “normal health routines” but at the same time rejects any plan that would lead to developing these healthy habits?
At least part of the problem is that “developing healthy habits” is about a process, not about achieving a goal.
If you are successful there’s nothing tangible you have accomplished or earned as a result of your success. You have taken an important step towards building a strong foundation for a healthy life, which is an essential task for everyone, but especially for someone dealing with depression. But as with most work building foundations, it isn’t visible and it is not the kind of work that is well rewarded in our society. A younger woman with two children, who had been so enthusiastic about her work with me three months ago, tells me that she’s stopping her medications on her own. Later on she mentions that she is feeling increasingly physically ill, and then she tells me that she really doesn’t want to come in to see me any more.
What happened? How did I go from the “doctor who can do no wrong” to the “doctor to be avoided?”
I think the answer is similar: In the short-run, she got enthusiastic about taking care of herself and the good feelings that resulted, but then that project began to lose interest for her because it was “accomplished.”
She stopped devoting attention to living a healthy life and managing her moods, and then, when the old depressed and irritable moods began to show up again, she decided the problem was with the treatment, rather than with the challenges she faced in trying to stay consistent with mood regulating activities and taking her medications.Big projects and big successes are wonderful. Much of what we have accomplished as a country is based on our capacity to fulfill these kinds of goals. But success at “moodsurfing” often relies on consistency and healthy habits. It isn’t about reaching a goal and then moving on to other goals. You have to keep at it.