Who does the most for suicide prevention? Arguably, the folks who suffer from suicidal thoughts
and ideation. They are the ones in the suicide prevention trenches every day.
People who feel suicidal or who have attempted suicide tell us that the foremost motivation is to
stop the pain. Sometimes it comes from constantly circling thoughts (rumination); sometimes it
comes from the feeling of being a burden to other people; sometimes it comes from an illness or
injury that isn’t being treated; but the common denominator is pain that just won’t let up.
For family members and friends, the question is always “what can I do?” Many of those who
have been through it, say, ask directly: “have you considered suicide?” and be prepared to listen
without offering suggestions about how to “fix” the situation. “What can I do to help you?” can
be the next question, offering to help while making clear that it’s no burden to do so.
People describe running on a constant loop in their heads, with nothing from outside to interrupt
the loop. Grief, isolation, alcohol, debt, fear and trauma keep the mind occupied and don’t allow
any air or sunlight in. A call from a friend, or a helping hand can be a way to stop the loop and
open up the horizon. People who attempted suicide express that they didn’t want to die, but they
couldn’t see any way to keep on living. Simply having someone there can be the best way to
break the loop.
After a suicide those left behind often say, “but he seemed fine” “I never thought there was
anything wrong”. That’s why asking is so important. When you hear that someone is struggling
with health issues, or debt, or both, that’s the time to start checking in.
People struggling with suicidal thoughts prevent suicide every day. Listening to what they have
to say, and trying to understand the shape of the problems as they see it can be a real support
in hard times.
Thanks to Ian Callaghan, whose Sept 2 Facebook post shared much of this material.
If you are considering suicide, and you are in the USA, call or text to the 988 Lifeline.
Trained counselors (not bots) are available 24/7 to help all callers. Several people we
know have commented that they found the calls to be immeasurably helpful. In the UK
and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on freephone 116 123, or email
jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is
13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at befrienders.org.
For more information: