Oxytocin is a neurohormone that is produced in the human brain and helps us form loving connections: mother-child bonds as well as the connections between romantic partners. When we are with a person who stimulates our oxytocin-producing neurological system, we feel warmed, supported, in a word: loved. However, making us feel loved doesn’t seem to be exactly the function of oxytocin in the brain. Rather, it is the hormone of social support, meaning it strengthens our in-group affiliation while at the same time making us more wary and less trusting of anyone we perceive as being an “outsider” to our group.
An interesting study into the role of oxytocin in social support showed that people with well-functioning oxytocin systems experienced a reduction of stress when they received social support, while those whose oxytocin system was impaired or low functioning, showed minimal reductions in stress when they received social support. That is, oxytocin helps us tap into the strength of close, supportive relationships.
Recent studies, however, point to a role for oxytocin in strengthening hostility as well as love. Oxytocin increases hostility towards those who are, for whatever reason, seen as outsiders. Think of oxytocin, not as the hormone of love, but as the “mother bear” hormone, increasing nurturance to those we feel connected to, while increasing defensiveness against those who are felt to be a potential threat.
In our modern, complex civilization, we need to be aware of the biologic connections between attachment and protectiveness. The power of oxytocin may be the way demagogues lead up to war by highlighting how the “enemy” group is “not like us” and is a threat to “us” – so that “if you really care for your family” you need to “defend” them from the outsiders.
Understanding how oxytocin works focuses us on the need to define “us” in a more inclusive way. Our world is complex and we are constantly interacting with people of diverse backgrounds, languages, appearances and customs. Actively attending to the ways that all humans are similar is the antidote to the power of oxytocin to create harm, and the way to enhance its power to build strong bonds among “all of us”.
Impairment in the oxytocin function can have an effect on child and adult development, weakening attachment, sense of security, and ability to give and receive social support. Whether impaired oxytocin function is a result of genetic factors or is simply passed on from parent to child through parenting styles which lack oxytocin development is not clear, but the result is that weak oxytocin becomes a pattern in some families.
Exposure to a grandparent or other adult who is not depressed can help a child develop a more active oxytocin system and be better able to utilize social support in their own development, which may be why child researchers find that the presence of one loving relative or other caregiver can make a big difference to a child with a depressed mother. So what does it all mean? Formation of healthy attachment in early childhood is an important determiner of future success, and if healthy attachment is missing or stunted, some form of therapy may be needed to strengthen or restore it. And, at the same time, mature reflection can teach us to widen our circles of social support and reduce our instinctive hostile reactions to people we perceive as “outsiders”.