The first of the big winter storms blew through the Bay Area today. Winds whipped up the already large waves and the pouring rain made it hard to see much more than a few feet in any direction. Of course, there were some hardy folk out there surfing anyway. But we assume that most of you recognize that when there …
Family Scapegoat
I had a conversation with two women today about their relationship with their husbands and children. They often find themselves feeling scapegoated for things that go wrong in the household. While I was talking with them, I recalled many other women who have described similar experiences. I started to wonder how this happens, and what can be done about it. …
ACT
The “hot” thing in the therapy world these days is something called ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). The radical notion behind ACT is that therapy should not be primarily about reducing symptoms (like depression) but rather increasing our ability to have a valued life (a life that is based on our deepest values) even though we have symptoms. And, by …
Giving Thanks
A friend asked “What is Thanksgiving all about?” There is the traditional answer about the Pilgrims and the Indians, but Thanksgiving as a national holiday has a shorter history. The holiday was first celebrated on the same date by all states in 1863. The idea was largely the product of author Sarah Josepha Hale, who wrote letters to politicians for …
Money and Security
How much money does it take for someone to feel really secure? This seems like a sensible question. Certainly, many of us have been dealing with insecurity because of a lack of money. In other words, there is a relationship between money and security. On the other hand, over the years, we have never run into anyone who managed to …
Anger and Change: “It’s Wrong” Mentality
Anger and Change: “It is just wrong, I can’t accept it, I have to stand up to things that are wrong.” We were talking with a young man who was frustrated because he had to complete a year’s worth of general education requirements before he could graduate with his degree in film. He was very upset, and noted at a later point …
Reclaim Your World
Why You May Need to Reclaim Your World Threats from disasters, and other dangers in the world around us, can lead us to withdraw from normal activity and then we may need to reclaim our world from fear. I have always loved what I now call the territorial sports: the cross country skiing, running, hiking, bicycling, etc. These are sports …
Trust and The Kindness of Strangers
On this famous day, September 11th, it is worth reminding ourselves how much we all depend on the kindness of strangers. This has certainly never been more clear… we live in a world in which there is an increasing interdependence. Of course, being able to rely on the kindness of strangers has always been important. One of the hallmarks of …
Mom is Tired: Transactional Analysis
The Winter Blues continue to be on the minds of people I talk to. One thing that sometimes happens when we get the blues is that we feel a bit abandoned, and one type of abandonment that is particularly significant emotionally is the abandonment by one’s mother. We have have had a number of conversations with themes related to Mom …