Misunderstandings. There are so many ways that we can misunderstand each other. We like the Myers Briggs for its non-pathologizing approach to understanding and describing the differences among human beings. Yesterday we were talking to a young woman who told us of a “classic” misunderstanding that potentially could have had a catastrophic outcome. The young woman was talking with her …
Men are from Mars: How Gender Affects Communication
Men and women sometimes don’t seem to be speaking the same language, and this is certainly true when it comes to discussing emotions. A young woman we have been coaching was thinking about a conversation she needed to have with her father about something that she was sure was going to be very upsetting to him… but she also knew …
Parenting and Oxytocin
Those of us who have been parents probably remember moments of incredible attachment to our children. Times when we were happy to just hold them while they were sleeping, and nothing else in the world seemed important. It is a state that is somewhat like the experience of new love. Recent research suggests that part of what creates that state …
Making Good Relationships: 4 Behaviors Predictive of Divorce
In a previous post we talked about our view that what is most important in successful long term relationships is not so much who we choose but how we build the relationship (of course, if you choose someone without morals or who is seriously disturbed, this doesn’t probably apply to you). But we deferred discussing what it takes to make …
Breaking Up: How to Cope
Breaking up is hard. (At least for most people – we do know a couple of people – mostly guys – who seem to have made an art of it – but that is another post). There are things to do and to avoid doing that might make it less painful. 1. Think it through. At some point you are …
Heroism
Heroism can be bad for your health. We know, we’ve been there. It starts with a positive feeling about someone or some group of people, then there is the recognition that they have suffered injustice (or are suffering for some other reason) and ends up in a wish to solve their problem (s). What a wonderful world it would be …
Relationships and Chronic Depression
Many people with depression, particularly if they have been depressed for a long time, develop a pattern of interacting with others that is designed to protect them from disappointment. Avoiding disappointment is obviously a good thing, but it can lead to relationships that are not satisfying. Addressing relationship issues is important. Almost everybody who is unsatisfied with their relationships can …
Negotiation: How to Deal With Conflict
Some of the best ways of dealing with conflicts in relationships, whether business or personal, are contained in the books about negotiation written by Roger Fisher and William Ury. In our own lives and in the lives of people we have counseled we have often seen a situation that seemed to be incredibly scary and full of potential catastrophe turn …
The Importance of Good Relationships
Good relationships are one of the foundations of creative living. In another post, we talked about one of the most effective therapies for people with bipolar: Interpersonal Social Rhythm Therapy (IPSRT). In that post we focused on regular routines (the SRT part) but equally important in that therapy was paying attention to the quality of interpersonal relationships and particularly addressing …
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