The first of the big winter storms blew through the Bay Area today. Winds whipped up the already large waves and the pouring rain made it hard to see much more than a few feet in any direction. Of course, there were some hardy folk out there surfing anyway. But we assume that most of you recognize that when there …
ACT
The “hot” thing in the therapy world these days is something called ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy). The radical notion behind ACT is that therapy should not be primarily about reducing symptoms (like depression) but rather increasing our ability to have a valued life (a life that is based on our deepest values) even though we have symptoms. And, by …
What’s the Hurry
It’s been a very busy week for mental health professionals in the Bay Area. The holidays are ramping up. And it has been dark and rainy. Many people are feeling a great deal of stress. Last night, we got a call from a wonderful woman who we’ve been working with for several months. She said that she had had a …
Mood Phobias
We were talking with a couple of wonderful psychologists about what it is that helps people come to terms with moods and learn to live with them creatively. One of the barriers to successful mood surfing is a fear of moods. I suppose the analogy is of someone who is afraid of the waves trying to learn how to surf. …
Depression is Depressing
Sometimes helping someone deal with their moods can seem a bit like being a gynecologist in Victorian England. How can you help someone with something (sex, or depression) when the topic itself is off limits. We are exaggerating, but there are so many ways that the idea that “depression is depressing” interferes with actually dealing with the mood. Not to …
Appreciating Depression?
We are indebted to Tom Wootton for his observation that the key to living creatively with bipolar is accepting and making use of depression. Tom wrote a book about depression (The Depression Advantage) that was one of the first things he wrote about bipolar (for more, see his website, Bipolar Advantage). He noted that it was a difficult book to …
Imperfect Bodies
In his book, “The Heart of Man,” Erich Fromm wrote about two modes of being – one he called biophilia (the love of life and living things) and the other he called necrophilia (a love of order, control, and, ultimately of death). Fromm was very much affected by the experience of Nazi Germany. And much of his understanding of the …
The Uncertainty Principle
In quantum mechanics, the uncertainty principle is the principle that there is a fundamental limit to our ability to know things about a particle. If you know precisely where it is, you can’t know how fast it is moving, and if you know how fast it is moving you can’t know exactly where it is, and so on. The original …
Negative Emotions
We’ve all been there. Maybe we’ve noticed feeling impatient while driving in traffic, or expressing anger towards the barista who didn’t leave you room for milk in your coffee. Whenever we express our dissatisfaction towards the mundane events that don’t go our way, we are more than likely misplacing anxiety, fear, anger, or hurt that stems from one of the …
Running a Bit Late
This has been a super busy week and for the first time since we started this website we missed a couple of days of posts. That, plus the experience of waiting for someone to show up for coaching, made me think back on when I used to always be late for events and appointments. I was an absolutely incurable late …
Self Compassion
I once worked with a lovely woman who had a personal assistant who yelled at her all day. She hurled insult after insult, screaming loudly in her ear things like—You’ll never get that done! There you go again, you idiot! Give it up, you’re never going to amount to anything! This is pointless, you may as well throw in the towel! …
Anxiety and Accepting the Unknown
Accept yourself for who you are. That’s been a long-held maxim that we try to live by, but what does it actually mean and how does it really help? For those who are anxious, lack of acceptance can often be at the root of the problem. Anxiety is often about wanting to feel secure and safe, therefore the opposite is …
Dealing with Perfectionism
Society puts a premium on perfection, for good reason. Perfection fascinates and inspires. I am particularly drawn to the symmetry and complexity of buildings, bridges, and visual art, often staring at such creations with awe and wonder at how such perfection was achieved. In addition to architecture and art, perfection is expected in vocations where the slightest mistake could be …
Yoga
Many people we know report that beginning yoga and doing it consistently has been associated with periods of remarkable stability, energy and effectiveness. There are studies supporting yoga as an evidence based approach to the treatment of depression. But it is hard to figure out where to begin. At the end of this page are some additional resources. One thing …
What Happens in Depression?
We were just getting ready to write a post about brain imaging findings that help to explain what happens in depression when we got the latest copy of the American Journal of Psychiatry and found an elegant meta-analysis (review of many other studies) that does much of the work for us. If you want to read the article you will …
Riding the Waves
MoodSurfing is about the idea that the ups and downs of mood are normal (we aren’t trying to achieve some elusive “stability”). But dealing with moods requires focus, discipline and some common sense. You can’t go to Maverick on your first day surfing and not get hurt (see photo to the right). The first step for many people is to …
Why You Should Journal
We are strong believers in the value of paying attention. We define what is important in our lives by what we pay attention to. And if we don’t pay attention to things it is practically impossible to improve them. The kind of journal that we have in mind is one that pays attention to the shifts in mood during the …
Endless Worry: Books to Help Manage It
Sometimes life circumstances, or our own mood, conspire to lead us into a state of endless worry. We never seem to be able to figure anything out, and the anxiety makes it increasingly difficult to get anything done. One strategy that we often recommend is to schedule worry time. It sounds crazy, but putting aside time each day to worry …
Acceptance: Helpful Readings
Acceptance. We have been influenced by many people in setting up this website. One of those great thinkers is a man whose vision of psychotherapy was founded in acceptance, Carl Rogers. In his book On Becoming a Person he wrote: “The curious paradox is when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” This phrase has resonated …
Mindfulness and Helpful Resources
Mindfulness: it is the “in” thing in mental health. The practice of mindfulness really does work to help create more satisfying lives. But what is it and how do you get started practicing mindfulness? Jon Kabat-Zinn is the man who popularized mindfulness approaches to improving health in this country. He has written a great number of books and produced audio …