Every once in a while we find ourselves reflecting on lessons learned in a lifetime of coaching and counseling people. How we might have lived our lives differently had we known then what we know now. This afternoon, talking to a young man about romantic relationships, we found ourselves thinking about our own relationships, and the relationships of the many …
Learned Helplessness
This is an animal model of the human experience of depression. In the learned helplessness model an animal is repeatedly placed in a situation where it has no ability to avoid a painful outcome After a while the animal begins to look depressed (listless, passive). At that point if you place the animal in a situation where it could escape …
Vulnerability
Recent research points to vulnerability as an important component of deep, meaningful connection to others and to life. But, for some, just hearing the word can conjure up strong feelings of fear. But what is vulnerability exactly? What is its relationship to mood? And, if it is such a good thing, what is the fear about? Vulnerability can be simply defined as taking an emotional …
Resilience
Why are some people able to move through difficult situations, and others seem to get stuck in them? A lot of what distinguishes people who lead successful lives from those who struggle has to do with how much we are affected by negative events. There isn’t really much we can do to avoid setbacks (even the fabulously successful people have …
Medications
Getting the right medicine, medication side effects, fear of being dependent on a medication, medications that stop working mysteriously… psychiatric medications evoke in us as many reactions as do psychiatric disorders… and psychiatrists. What we propose to do on this page is to try to collect and organize information that we have found helpful in thinking about psychiatric medications. As …
Self Compassion
I once worked with a lovely woman who had a personal assistant who yelled at her all day. She hurled insult after insult, screaming loudly in her ear things like—You’ll never get that done! There you go again, you idiot! Give it up, you’re never going to amount to anything! This is pointless, you may as well throw in the towel! …
Procrastination
Getting things done can be a real struggle when you are experiencing low mood. When we are depressed, we lack the energy and sense of pleasure or mastery that makes it possible to get essential tasks done. In addition, and perhaps most importantly, we often postpone getting things done until we feel like doing them. If you are feeling tired …
Doctors Part 2
Once you have found a good doctor (see Doctors Part 1 for thoughts on finding doctors), how can you make sure that you get the best help from that doctor (or doctors). Here are a few thoughts collected from our experiences working with many people over the years – 1. Plan ahead. It is almost always a good idea to …
Vitamin D
Vitamin D is one of the fat soluble vitamins, and along with other fat soluble vitamins, it is possible to take too little, but it is also possible to take too much. And taking too much can have negative health effects, just as taking too little can. For many of us we get enough vitamin D naturally from exposure to …
Supplements – Overview
Supplements are drugs that are found in nature (note: supplements don’t have to be any more “natural” in terms of how they are made than prescription drugs). Because they are found in nature they are not, in the United States, subject to review and approval by the Food and Drug Administration. Also, because they are found in nature, they tend …
Doctors Part 1
Managing your relationships with doctors can be a challenge. Here are a few tips that might help. It all begins with finding good doctors. In many parts of the country this can be hard. There may not be many choices. Start with a list of “candidates” – For a primary care doctor – look under “internal medicine”, “family practice” or …
Anxiety and Accepting the Unknown
Accept yourself for who you are. That’s been a long-held maxim that we try to live by, but what does it actually mean and how does it really help? For those who are anxious, lack of acceptance can often be at the root of the problem. Anxiety is often about wanting to feel secure and safe, therefore the opposite is …
Dealing with Perfectionism
Society puts a premium on perfection, for good reason. Perfection fascinates and inspires. I am particularly drawn to the symmetry and complexity of buildings, bridges, and visual art, often staring at such creations with awe and wonder at how such perfection was achieved. In addition to architecture and art, perfection is expected in vocations where the slightest mistake could be …
Staying Connected: How to Maintain Communication Even When You’re Not in the Mood
Let’s say you’re having one of those shabby old days when your mood’s in the gutter and you’re in the doldrums.If you’re feeling grim and can’t face the thought of a conversation of any kind? How can you possibly do the connecting thing at times like this? Here are five ideas: Opt for a more indirect channel of communication such as …
Watch the Mood Waves
One of the best ways of helping people MoodSurfing successfully is to look closely at the shape of their mood waves. Often when we talk to someone about this idea they are perplexed. Waves are waves right? If you have a depression wave then you should do one thing and if you have a manic wave you do something else. …
Yoga
Many people we know report that beginning yoga and doing it consistently has been associated with periods of remarkable stability, energy and effectiveness. There are studies supporting yoga as an evidence based approach to the treatment of depression. But it is hard to figure out where to begin. At the end of this page are some additional resources. One thing …
Music and Mood
People naturally turn to music to change or improve their moods. There are surprisingly few studies on this. But those studies that do exist confirm what we already know, music can definitely affect our mood. Enough of the science, if we know music affects mood, how can we use that knowledge to “moodsurf” better? One thing that we have discovered …
Breaking Up: How to Cope
Breaking up is hard. (At least for most people – we do know a couple of people – mostly guys – who seem to have made an art of it – but that is another post). There are things to do and to avoid doing that might make it less painful. 1. Think it through. At some point you are …
Impossible Jobs
In this world, there are two kinds of jobs: Jobs that one could perhaps do adequately, and jobs that are impossible. For whatever reason, a lot of folks’ we know tend to prefer impossible jobs. Maybe because they’re more exciting and interesting. The key to an impossible job is recognizing that no person could do all the work that falls …
“Too Dependent”
From time to time we hear people complaining that they’re too dependent or that someone they know is too dependent on them. Usually the proposed solution is for that person to become more independent. The trouble is that this doesn’t work. People who have normal needs for social interaction are not able to be independent in the way that we …